What Does Passing the Peace Mean to Me in Light of Who I Am?
FROM SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR, CANDACE HIATT
A note on the post: This post is part of a series on answering the question, “What Does Passing the Peace Mean to Me In Light of Who I Am?” This particular blog post coincides with the celebration of Juneteenth & is in recognition of that. One of our desires with our blog is to create space to listen to diverse voices that represent the body of Christ. Today we invite you to listen to the beautiful voice of Candace Hiatt.
When I was a child, one of my parents adoringly referred to me as the peacekeeper. That title became a much more rigorous position to uphold as factions within my sibling group quite literally tore my family apart. Suddenly, I was no longer just the peacekeeper. I became the mediator. I became the placater. I became the adviser & I became the pretender. I knew how to create a safe space in a room full of hostility, often at the cost of my own sense of safety. Somewhere as these traumatic events continued to shape my circumstances, within myself a cry for true peace was rendered to God.
A real peace. The peace that was promised to pass all understanding. That was the peace I longed for. But I didn’t know how to reach it. I didn’t know how to create it & I didn’t know what it would look like when I found it.
As the years passed I grew, I changed & I evolved - as we all do. But one of my greatest challenges was shedding the cloak of the peacekeeper. Leaving that garment behind was extraordinarily difficult for me but I knew within myself that the cost to wear that title was too weighty. It is counterintuitive to believe that something so noble as peacekeeping would be such a cumbersome cross to bear - but for me it was. It was bestowed in manipulation, wrapped in trauma & stained by the futility of effort without the consciousness of God’s grace. I was exhausted in life, in relationships & ultimately exhausted with myself. I had to come to the point of honesty - on my knees - I was faced with the recognition that the role I played had far less to do with actual peacekeeping & much more with the darkness of people pleasing. This shift in perspective changed the course of my life.
“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—& everything that is illuminated becomes a light.” - Ephesians 5: 11 - 14
I became determined to walk away from people pleasing & the Holy Spirit with gentleness & kindness taught me & continues to teach me how to allow a bruised & broken place within myself to become a true light.
Now, peacekeeping for me is recognizing that God is the only true author of peace. I have had to learn that a fraction of a millisecond of God’s grace & wisdom can do much more that I could ever possibly achieve in a complete lifetime. I have learned to trust him through conflict, knowing that the world will not end because people are angry. I have learned to understand that it is not my responsibility to carry the world on my shoulders, as He does a much better job with enabling the earth’s rotation than I do. I have learned that I am not responsible for ensuring that intellectually & emotionally capable adults are playing nicely together in the sandbox. I have learned to allow others to face disappointment & failures with support instead of assuming responsibility for their fears or potential success. But most of all I have learned honesty. True honesty. The type of honesty that is uncomfortable & maybe even painful at times, but with every focused intention of being girded in love, as it is the honesty that ushers in the peace that I have longed for.
Passing the peace to me means showing up in every space as a kind, complicated, gentle, sequential, ridiculously abstract, practical & impractical human being. I am allowing myself to present as paradox. A paradox of vulnerability & strength & learning to be unafraid at the same time. Passing the peace for me means walking in honesty & allowing myself to be everything that God has created me to be. I am permitting the messy wobbly uncomfortable bits & even allowing the parts of me that I don’t like to live in the light - removed from the shadows - so they can be healed. The greatest gift I can give others is defyingly owning the full spectrum of all that I am. By allowing myself to be imperfect, I am intentionally creating space for others to be their imperfectly beautiful selves as well. People pleasing taught me to sacrifice myself for the benefit of the whole. Passing the peace taught me to own every bit of myself (shining a bright light on every dark place) & actually showing others a reflection of the truth of God’s love in action. Now, I actually get to be peace & everyday I get the opportunity to teach others how to lovingly shine the light on their own pieces (their own broken bits) so that they can be the peace for themselves, for their families & for their communities. The peace on earth that we all long for, let it first begin with me, with you & with us.