Choosing A Listening Space
FROM THE DESK OF IELA GALIANO-WILLIAMS
I know I want to talk to someone, but who do I talk to? How do I choose between seeing a therapist, a life coach or a spiritual director?
I recently found myself asking this question & thought it would be a great one to have a broader conversation around. But before I get too far, I want to first say that if you know you need support in some way, don’t let finding the answer to this question block you. Simply choose someone & give it a try. All three of these listening spaces are filled with people who are ready to be there for you to help process things emotionally, spiritually, & mentally. Letting yourself feel heard may be the first step in discerning which one of these spaces feels the most supportive to you in this season of life.
So, how did I get to the point of asking this question? In my personal life, I have seen both a life coach & a spiritual director & loved every minute of both. In my vocational life, I am certified as a spiritual director through PAX & am currently pursuing my license in mental health counseling. I am a huge supporter of all three of these spaces & appreciate different aspects of each one.
As much as I love talking with my husband, friends, & family, I know that I need a space that is fully my own where I can talk without a filter & receive feedback, help, & care. Ultimately, this kind of space allows me to communicate better with those people who are in my life for the long haul. Most recently, I was seeing a spiritual director, but she transitioned into a new full-time role & had to let go of many of her directees. With this transition, I knew I wanted to keep talking with someone, but the question arose, do I want to see a life coach, a spiritual director, or a therapist?
As I pondered this question, I began to name what it is I actually want to work through. I am currently in a season of transition with goals & dreams I want to clarify & work towards. I have questions around calling, who I am becoming, & what God may be inviting me to move towards. I have also been struggling with anxiety over the past few years that some focused time & space to think through how it is impacting me feels needed.
Looking at this list, perhaps you identify with some of it, perhaps you have your own laundry list of processing needs, but the first step may be for you to write down everything you have been thinking about processing with someone, the good, the bad, the ugly, & everything in between without judgment, just honest reflection. Please know that the above paragraph is a summarized wrapped up version of what my list looks like, it is okay for your list to feel messy or all over the place, this is just step one.
With your list in mind, I want to paint for you, with broad brush strokes, what coaching, spiritual direction, & therapy each focus on. All three are multifaceted & dynamic so I don’t want to pigeonhole any one of them, but I do want to try to simplify them to help provide some clarity.
A coach might be helpful for you if you are going through a time in your life where you are ready to make shifts or move forward. A coach is going to be incredibly supportive of you along the way to achieve your goals as well as help you think outside of the box. Coaching also has a lot of focused niches so if you have a specific area you want to journey in such as your business, preparing for the birth of a child, a chronic illness, etc. this could be a great fit. A coach could be transformative if you feel stuck in a rut & want help moving towards something different or living life more fully.
A spiritual director might be helpful for you if you want to process your relationship with God. Where coaching is more focused on forward momentum, spiritual direction leans more towards sitting in the present & becoming aware of God’s presence in your life & how you are responding. However, in some cases, this might also include discernment & looking to the future if you are wondering about next steps in your call & life choices. In spiritual direction, you might dive into working through any healing you desire with God, questions that are coming up for you, or hopes you have for what invitations God might be extending to you. In a way, spiritual direction is kind of like therapy for your relationship with God & a space to process your lived experience with God in the daily.
A therapist might be helpful for you if there is a mental health challenge you are working through, an experience of deep emotions, a trauma you are healing from, or a particular relationship you need to work out. A therapist is going to walk alongside you through all of that & bring their expertise in the mental health field to provide insight & a supportive presence throughout the process. Like a coach, a lot of therapists have certain specialties that help them meet you exactly where you are. Therapy may also provide you with specific tools, education on what you’re struggling with, & growth in emotional awareness.
All three areas will give you space to feel heard, known, & seen. The lens with which they approach what you are presenting just looks a little different. There is often overlap as our goals, our relationship with God, & our mental health all wrap together like different strands in a braid. So, if you are still wondering which one to choose, it may be helpful to ask yourself, which area of my life feels like it needs the majority of my focus right now? Which one feels like it would help me make the biggest shift or open the door to processing the other aspects of my life more fully?
When I sat down & got really honest with my list, I could start to name that my mental & emotional health needs to be my focus right now as it is impacting my goals & dreams for the future as well as how I interact with God. I won’t stop listening to God or looking to the future, but I do feel that therapy will be the first step in this process for me.
After I find a therapist, I will also pursue finding a spiritual director at the same time as I want to make sure I create intentional time to slow down & be with God in the midst of it all. The great thing about each of these disciplines is that it is not one size fits all. You can mix & match according to your needs & desires. In a year or so, I hope to be ready to see a life coach again & lean into all of my dreams for the future.
How about you? What feels like the right first step or mix of steps for you in this season of life? Wherever you land, I hope you know that you are loved & deserving of someone’s time & attention. You do not have to do it alone. It takes courage to put yourself out there & ask for help, but it just might make all the difference.
If you decide that seeing a spiritual director is a great next step for you, we invite you to check out this amazing group of spiritual directors on our website that have graduated from our certificate program in spiritual direction.