Finding Recovery
FROM SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR & PASTOR, MATTHEW BEATTIE
September is National Recovery Month, observed since 1989 to highlight paths to recovery for those who struggle with addiction.
In early 2022 I found myself sitting in a job interview for a pastoral role for an inner-city church campus. The team asked me, “What experience do you have working with people experiencing homelessness & addiction, i.e., with those in recovery?”
My honest answer was, “Not much… But I do love people & I hope that will go a long way.”
Fortunately, that team took a risk on me. Because in the seven months since I started my new role as missional ministry & campus pastor, I have gotten to know a whole lot of wonderful folks whose lives have been derailed by addiction, by abuse, by growing up in an unhealthy family, or any number of other factors. After many years serving in more comfortable environments, I found myself being stretched in ways that made me glad for my journey in spiritual direction & for a more contemplative journey of faith. I find myself meeting & relying on God a whole lot more, since I feel like I have a whole lot less to offer.
This being National Recovery Month, I want to share a few brief reflections on recovery.
My friend Tom*
“I’ve really struggled because my family has rejected me because of my mental health issues.” Tom shared, as he wiped a few tears away, & then returned to quietly observing the group.
We were sitting around a table with ten people who were asking questions about faith & sharing life together. Tom sleeps in a tent on the sidewalk, he walks everywhere he goes, he has no place to call home. As we gathered each week to share a meal, & to talk about faith, I realized that my assumptions about what Tom would struggle with were wrong. While Tom was looking to find recovery from the many things that have led to him sleeping outside, his consistent grief was affixed to his broken family relationships, that topic came up week after week.
Lately I’ve been reflecting on how transformation occurs. It seems quite obvious that internal work (within our hearts, our bodies, our minds) overflows into external work (our actions, our habits, our relationships). In Luke 6 Jesus says, “from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” I’d always considered that quote in light of morality or my behavior, but lately I’ve thought a lot more about how much bearing my internal life has on the circumstances I find myself in. And yet, we know that our external circumstances also often deeply affect our inner peace! True recovery somehow knits our internal & external lives together; it’s a freedom that extends much deeper than simply a chemical or behavioral addiction.
When Tom was able to open up within a group of people who listened to his pain, affirmed his inherent value, & were willing to walk with him, it seemed to accelerate a path of healing for him. He feels known & welcomed within this community of faith, but he also knows that his need for recovery is not unique to him. I spoke with him recently & he shared that he’s made some tentative inroads with his family, but he’s also seeing a counselor regularly, journeying spiritually with the same group of friends, & finding his footing. His specific words to me were, “I’m doing better.” Better sounds like a good direction to be walking in & one I’m familiar with too.
Finding Recovery
This past year was one of the hardest of my life so far, as I struggled through a major job transition, was uprooted from a community I love, moved with my family into a new community, & wrestled with so many of my own doubts & disappointments. As I’ve had time to reflect on what has often felt like a downward journey, I have consistently been surprised by how God seems to be moving in & through me. Even as I feel like I still need so much healing & recovery myself, like Tom, I’m doing better too these days.
In this season, I have felt unqualified, unprepared, & at times too drained to offer much to anyone else - seemingly, not a good place to be when you’re in ministry. And yet, scripture tells us in 2 Corinthians 12 that God works most powerfully in our weakness. As an Enneagram 1, I am uncomfortable being in a place where I worry that I might not have the right answers or a clear path to offer to others & myself. For me in this season, recovery has looked like accepting & joining God in the unclear, the unfinished, the unknowns of life. I find myself clinging to who I believe God is & to who that in turn makes me, & somehow God keeps moving.
A scripture that I’ve found myself drawn to lately is Psalm 18:16-19
16 He reached down from on high & took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
So often I have heard this preached in a purely “God has delivered me” way, & for good reason, what a promise! Yet when I heard it, the realization dawned that while, yes, God had indeed delivered me into a spacious place, I wasn’t quite sure how to live spaciously there. I believe a big part of recovery is not simply being freed from a trapped place, but learning how to live well in a new, better open place.
My prayer for Tom, for myself, & for all of us who are seeking healing, recovery, & freedom is that God would enable us to live with our arms outstretched wide, trusting that God indeed delights in us.
*Tom’s name has been changed to protect his identity.