Recovery
FROM SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR, LAURA K. KLEIN, M.Ed., M.S.
When you hear the word recovery, what comes to mind? If you were to write an article on recovery, what would your article discuss? Does the word recovery call to mind images of a disheveled drug addict finally getting cleaned up, sober, and presentable? That is an accurate image, but is it, though? In the throes of my addiction, I was rarely disheveled and almost always presentable. In fact, I doubt you would have known me to be anything but upstanding, high-performing, and certainly respectable.
As a mother, wife, schoolteacher, business owner, and college-educated church going woman, I had an image to maintain, and I did that well. So my version of recovery may be a little different from yours; the article I would write would be about recovering from the lies we tell ourselves.
A quick history of my addiction: alcohol, anger, pain, prescription pain killers, control, people, sex, shame, love, food, praise, exercise, lying, caffeine, gaming, drama, internet, nicotine, shopping, sugar, dopamine, plastic surgery, work, and even attending church. I have what you might call “an addictive personality”. This list demonstrates most of the things that ran my life on any given day, most of them simultaneously.
I define them as addictions because I could not control myself with them, and they escalated as time went on because I needed more from them. I had difficulty maintaining relationships because of them, and I went into withdrawal if I could not access them. I continued in most of these behaviors for years despite negative consequences.
If it weren’t for the saving Grace of Jesus Christ and in Him crucified, buried, and raised from the dead, I would be telling a different story and writing a different article. I hope I don’t need to explain that things like food, love, or church are indeed good; I’m referring to the abuse and mishandling of these necessary things.
Recovery then isn’t just the absence of an addiction or its symptoms; Recovery is healing from the lies that I believed that I needed these to fulfill me, help me cope, and/or bring me happiness. As I write this article, decades free from many items on my list, I still have struggles, temptations, and flashbacks to those days where it was so easy to give in and let the flood of dopamine take me away and make me numb to truth and reality. However, I can’t seem to believe in denial any longer.
What I want most these days is the Peace that passes understanding. Nowadays, I will settle for nothing less.
Reinhold Niebuhr wrote The Serenity Prayer. Most people have only heard the first few lines, and they are a doozy and frequently quoted in tough times and extenuating circumstances.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
What you may not know is that prayer has another verse, and this is the recovery that I identify with and want to share with others.
“Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace: taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it: trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will: so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.”
My church has a group called Celebrate Recovery. Their welcome message says find freedom from hurts, habits, and hang-ups. This is one of many types of groups where the community of like-minded people comes together and supports one another. They are also called Anonymous Groups, and they have a group for whatever flavor of addiction you subscribe to. Me? They didn’t have a group for me, necessarily. I suffered from the human condition and the absence of a connected relationship with my loving Creator.
The Holy Spirit, upon my invitation, which was a tear-soaked face sobbing on ceramic tile, begging for relief, preferably in the form of death, showed me His definition of recovery. It was gentle, filled with kindness, and overflowing with grace. He told me I was blessed to be in such a position. I think of Matthew 5:3, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.” I came to understand that without God, I am not good, nor can I be, no matter how I try. I could only enter this Recovery Program as a complete pauper. The Holy Spirit and I agreed: only God is good, and through a relationship with God, made possible by Jesus, I can share in that goodness. I can experience freedom and truly recover from the past and pains that ail me.
The first order of business was to stop believing the lies. John 8:32, where Jesus tells His followers, “then you will know the Truth, and the truth will set you free”, was what changed my whole paradigm.
The Truths that I embrace daily:
God deeply loves me, and we are friends – (John 15:15, Exodus 33:11, James 2:23)
God created me and enjoys being a part of my life – (Genesis 1:31, Ephesians 2:10, Psalms 139:13-14)
If God had a fridge, my picture would be on it – (my imagination)
Recovery, then, is a personal journey, unique to each individual and their relationship with their Creator. This is spiritual formation. Its focus is on understanding how God sees you based on His words in Holy Scripture. Recovery starts to take root when you accept God’s version of yourself, as you learn to trust Him, then submit to Him, and finally walk daily with Him in victoriously overcoming the challenges of the human condition.
In my recovery, I am being made into a new creature (1 Corinthians 5:17); I am gaining a new mind, thinking differently from the world and the past (Romans 12:2). I am being made clean (Ezekiel 36:25- 27). I am forgiven and being made right (1 John 1:9).
So, when I hear the word recovery, what comes to mind is that it is an amazing life-long journey, not a destination. Knowing that God is with me every step of the way fills me with serenity.
If you would like to connect with Laura for spiritual direction, you can reach her at laurakat.spiritual.direction@gmail.com.
If you are in need of clinical support, we encourage you to reach out to your doctor for counseling recommendations within your insurance, or explore joining an Alcoholics Anonymous group near you.