Drinking From the Cup
FROM COACH & TL1 GRADUATE, ADAM ZULIM
Is there a greater gift we could ever give to a friend, spouse, or stranger than to help them hear from their Creator? And I don't mean hear about him — from a sermon, podcast, or counsel — I mean hear from him personally. Not through a mediator, but directly; from God to child of God. What a gift this would be. Imagine someone stepping into your life whose whole goal was to be present, attentive, and available with you — just to hear God's whispers together. I keep asking: how can I be and bring that kind of gift into my world? How can I invite someone in to be that kind of gift to me? Because of TL1, I am finding my way forward and gaining traction.
I am a child of God, husband, coach, father, disciple, pastor — and as I discovered during our TL1 reading of Henri Nouwen's The Return of the Prodigal Son, I am also an "older brother." TL1 gave me three images of myself I did not see coming. The first arrived with good pain, like the soreness that follows a hard workout.
God showed me that I too want the Father's stuff — the job, the margin, the health, the friends — more than I want the Father himself. I too sometimes feel entitled because of my perceived faithfulness and obedience. I too feel like I'm better than the "younger brother." I too resist the Father's invitation to join him at the party.
God has been, and is, healing me.
The second image arrived through another TL1 reading: Nouwen's Can You Drink the Cup? My life is a cup of suffering and joy, perfectly blended together. Though I sometimes wish they would settle and separate like oil and vinegar — so I could pour off the suffering and sip only the joy — they won't. And God does not want that for me.
My wife and I are in the "sicker and poorer" of our wedding vows right now. I would very much prefer the "richer and healthier" portion. But God has been speaking to me through his response to Peter in the garden, and I'll ask you to indulge me as I share how I heard it spoken to me personally:
"Adam, put your sword away. Are you not to drink from the cup the Father has given you?"
Through the gift of Spiritual Direction, I am learning to put my sword back in its sheath. I am learning to resist my resistance to all that the Father has for me. I am learning to drink the cup of my life down to the dregs.
The third image is the one I want to live into for the rest of my life. TL1 taught the value of becoming a "spiritual midwife" — someone who can sit with a person while God is birthing something new in them. Not rushing. Not fixing. Just being a still, quiet, calming presence. Someone committed to loving them with their listening. I have sat with people in those moments — when the room goes quiet in the right way, when someone finally feels safe enough to hear what God has been trying to say. That is what I want to offer. I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to who I was before TL1. Soul care companionship is not only what my friends need more of in their lives — I need it more in my own life too.
TL1 also invited us to write our "spiritual autobiography" — a practice of tracing the thread of God's faithfulness across every season of our lives. I needed that exercise more than I realized. I am someone who forgets easily, especially when life feels hard and uphill. Revisiting my story reminded me: he has never not shown up. The Great Author of my life is not done writing. There are many more pages to go. I can trust him with the plot twists, the antagonists, the climax, and the conclusion. He has gone before me. He goes with me. He awaits me.
God is inviting me to put away my sword, pick up my cup, and come to the party. Here I come! I want to spend the rest of my life helping others do the same.
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